No matter h0w happy children can make you, there will always be something missing from your life. What that something is will be different with each person.
For me, I am missing more than one thing. In fact, I am missing people. Through all of the joy of watching Tony grow-up and Enzo enter our world, there is still pain and grief that can be unbearable at times.
I will never forget Easter Sunday in 2012. We had the family at our house because Tony was barely two weeks old. When my parents and in-laws arrived, the two grandmothers shared a moment on the back patio.
For the life of me I couldn’t figure it out, later in the day it hit me; we were celebrating a family holiday with a new baby, but there were people missing.
Gone were Nan and Pop; Nicole’s grandparents, and Grandmom and Pop-Pop; my maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather.
As heartwarming as it is to have a new baby, it can also be a painful reminder of those who have gone before us.
Pop-Pop was one of my biggest fans. He would come to all of my in-town and high school baseball games, never missing one. He would call the house multiple times per week to complain about the Phillies (yes, I grew up in the 90s). When I spent two weeks at his house after the school year ended, we would watch baseball games each night in the family room.
Pop-Pop would always tell Chris and I that he could not wait to see us get married and to have children. That day never came. We lost Pop-Pop in 2005 after a battle with Alzheimer’s.
Grandmom left us when I was in fifth grade. I never really got the chance to know her because she became ill not long after my brother was born.
Despite losing these two beautiful people from my life, I know they are with us each day as we watch Tony, and now Enzo, grow.
Nicole’s paternal grandparents, Nan and Pop, left us in January of 2008 and December of 2009. Pop passed first and then Nan, who lost her valiant battle with cancer.
The loss of all four of these beautiful people caused the two grandmothers to break down into tears on Easter Sunday in 2012. Now, when I look back on that day, I understand their pain.
Since losing Nicole’s father in May of 2013, that pain has been with me each day. We then lost Nicole’s maternal grandfather in July of the same year. The pain gets heavier on holidays and on special occasions. Those occasions include Tony’s second birthday and the birth of Enzo.
As with the loss of Grandmom, Pop-Pop and Nan and Pop; I know Dad and Nicole’s Pop-Pop are watching over us and enjoying every minute of Tony and Enzo’s lives today.
Despite all of this grief and pain, we must look to the smiles, the laughs, the silly comments and the beautiful faces of our children to help us heal.
